So, the Hosp is going green (Just like my new @ symbol above!).
Eco-friendly, as it were. Which is fine with me. I can Reduce, Reuse and Recycle with the best of them...Just ask my underwear. Plus, I've seen The Day After Tomorrow and I really don't want to end up like Jake Jiggleball (Or whatever his name is) perusing a battleship for meds for my gashed-legged hot girl-friend in the middle of downtown New York with a pack of wolves trying to bite my face.
That's just not a good way to spend a Tuesday. Or the day after that.
The only problem I'm having with the Hosp going green is how stup-tarded they're being about it. And yes, that's "stup" (As in stupid) and "tarded" (As in retarded) combining two amazing cut-down words into one glorious hybrid. My English profs would be proud. See, the only real thing the Hosp is doing to maintain Eco-friendliness is cutting down the use of paper.
How do I know this?
Because they mailed (Using paper) out a (Paper) memo to each employee (And that'd be about 2,000 people) telling us (On the inside 2 sheets of paper) that we were cutting back the use of paper. Hmm. So...You're printing out (Let's do the math: 2 sheets of paper per envelope X 2,000 employees ='s 4,000 sheets of paper) 4,000 sheets of paper to let us know you're cutting back on paper...?
Hey, Hosp, you're off to a great start with the whole Cutting Back On Paper thing.
What's even worse is that they've now stopped mailing out our actual check stub. Meaning: the place that I work for no longer tells me how much money I'm working for. Which is a pain in the damn ass. How can Where I Work not tell me how much money I worked for? I'm not an illegal immigrant or a vagrant worker for hot-damn sake!
But then the Hosp gone did something even more worser.
Yeah, it's so stupid it's even effecting my spelling, coherent writing and sentence structure.
They decided that it wasn't exactly legal to deny showing us our check stubs, so they put up a computer network that we have to log into that provides that information. The network asks us for our social security number and then asks us to make up a 10 lettered password with 4 numbers. Great. I have to fucking work to see how much I worked at work. And get this: not only do you have to wait 10 days to be qualified in the system to even come up with a password...You have to re-think a new password every month to log back in. And am I in the goddamn mood to re-think a password? How many variations of my name and 1-2-3-4 are there?
BUT WAIT! Dere's more!
If that wasn't the stupidest, most skull fuckery of a system...They also made it so the network is only on 4 or 5 computers AND that we can only log into it at work. What. The. Fuck. So...I can't log into this thing at home AND I have to wait in one ass-long line to check it when I do get to work since the actual Being Able To Check Your Pay-Stub Network is only on 4 or 5 computers.
I know, I know...You think it couldn't get any dumber.
But just when I think it can't possibly get any dumber...It goes and does something like this. And totally doesn't redeem itself.
The text box where the employee types in his social security number on the 4 or 5 computers that do run the system remembers EVERY BODY'S SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER!
Meaning: when I typed the first number of my social, 3, into the box, it brought up the 80 or so people whose social also begins with 3! Meaning:.......I could fucking see everybody else's social security number! And that's...You know, supposed to be a private thing, don't you think?
I can only imagine what the pitch meeting with the CEO (The guy who calls me Mr. Yawn) sounded like:
GUY PITCHING THIS FUCKING STUPID IDEA TO CEO: "Okay, boss, I've got a great idea that will fuck everybody over and make it miserable to work here: why don't we stop printing paper and tell people by printing even more paper than we ever have! Then! Let's create a network on a very limited number of computers here in the Hosp where we basically give away our employees social security numbers. It'll be grand, sir!"
CEO: "Hmm. Yes, I like this plan. But...How else could we look as insufficient and stupid as possible while still fucking over our employees?"
GUY PITCHING THIS FUCKING STUPID IDEA TO CEO: "How about...No bonuses this year!"
CEO: "Excellent. Excellent. Say, Guy Pitching This Fucking Stupid Idea To Me, here, take this 20,000 dollars I have lying around. Go buy something nice for yourself...Unless it involves paper! Hahaha"
Oh, to have been a fly on that wall.
- @