I tell myself you deserve better, I push myself just to push my own buttons just to push but I didn't want to push I'd pushed you long ago because I never could push myself. I can but I never could, and in pushing I am just where I have left me. So far down that I can't even imagine how to reach back up there now. But there is a saying, once you hit the bottom..
I keep pushing.
Waiting,
for that thud.
Maybe it won't bring it back, you back, life back, maybe beggars will ride and pigs fly and someday I'll look you in the eye again. Someday I'll be myself again. Someday I'll find something in me other than a worn out apology and a feeling like loss, and waste, and that 'R' word I promised myself never would I utter, never would I think, I can't, but maybe, can I, do I, could I, would I, just for you.
I tremble at the impending earthquake, these foundations are being laid too late, the concrete is still wet, the whole place is coming down. I'll have the one sure thing in pieces at my feet because I put it there.
But there's one thing coming, slowly but surely, and that is redemption. I cannot claim to understand it, but the End is really fucking Nigh, and that is why. Day late and a dollar short, because I can feel the ground shake, but here it is. Here, and coming, and ending and beginning, and this incoherency isn't even connected, I can't tell where this is going.
But I can hope.
"I will be waiting underneath the pouring rain."
Don't steal it, it's not cool, and then I'll have to send angry hordes of zombie Pikachu's after you,
your family, and friends.. and that doesn't sound like much fun for anybody, now does it?
Heh. Okay, so it might be fun for me. But yeah, don't be a d-bag.