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Oh my goodness. I never knew the Singapore Flyer has had technical glitches before which left people hanging in mid-air. o.O Read this. Scary.

It's hard to remain positive when things haven't been going your way for more than four months. It doesn't seem to be logical to look forward, anymore. What's there to look forward to, when the future will only be a repetition of the past, but maybe magnified tenfold? How do I believe, anymore, that things will get better? That the worst will be over? Because it seems like I haven't seen the worst. Everytime I think I've seen it, things get worse and they prove me wrong. Even when I think about the things to be grateful for, there's always an element of dejection, of disappointment, that things aren't looking too good. It makes me wonder where I've gone wrong, and what I've done to deserve this. I do try to be positive, but it's just, really difficult when you're in my plight.

Sometimes I feel like just running away from all this. And pretending this part of my life never happened. Turn back time and make fresh decisions... Decisions that wouldn't have allowed this to happen. Everything happens for a reason, but it's a pity I haven't found that reason, or anything close to it. Feels like there's a dark cloud overhead all the time, and I'm walking deeper and deeper into darkness, of eternal damnation.

I would like to identify at least one thing that has gone my way these holidays, but it's just impossible. There's none. I don't want to be superficially in high spirits. I want to know I've secured something, or achieved something, over this half a year. I want to know I've done something right, or that all the tribulations I've experienced have been worth it. But it's now 7 days to the end of the year, and I still haven't achieved any of that. I wish I had more. Like someone said yesterday, it's enough to be thankful for to have food, clothes and a bed to sleep on. But it feels empty. I wish it were in my ability to control certain things. To make the pain go away... In every single aspect.

I can't do well in what I like, and I can't secure that which I love the most. Do you understand my meaning when I say these things? Why is it that everything that I have, I can't possess fully and truly? Some part of it has to be taken away from me. Nothing I have is complete. That's how it feels. I'm neither here nor there. Where does that leave me?

But I got a little comfort from what I read in A Slice of Life on 938Live, e-newsletter 23 Dec 2008:

We're all built with incredible propensity to imagine the worst. Let's say you notice a strange spot on your chest. You begin to think "something is wrong". This quickly becomes "it's a STD" or "it's cancer". In no time at all, you arrive at the idea that you're going to die from this. Well, that settles it then, time to plan the funeral.

You see how we can catastrphize matters? And it's not just in areas such as our well-being; it's our children, our careers, our finances, our partner, or the superior we thought we offended. If we start catching ourselves imagining disastrous scenarios that are not grounded in facts, we'll realize that our thoughts can go askew very easily. And they affect our emotional and mental well-being. Sometimes, they can even make us physically sick!

To reduce unnecessary angst, focus on the situation at hand. Nothing more. A spot is just a spot. Until you see a doctor or get more information, further thought is useless and can be dangerous.

The thing is, a thought is just a thought. Some thoughts may be more useful, but that makes them no more real.

The trouble begins when we buy into the thoughts. When we start believing that they have some inherent truth or reality.

A good way out of this trap is to imagine a continuum, a line between two extremes. At on end is the idea that "A Thought Is Reality". At this extreme, people believe that whatever pops into their head is real. In other words, "if I think it, it is real." The extreme is what we know as psychosis, that is, no matter what others or bare facts tell me, I simply choose to believe my thoughts.

At the other end of the continuum is the idea that "A Thought Is Just A Thought." If a thought begins to torment a person at this end of the spectrum, he or she is able to take a step back, remember that a thought is just a thought, and let it go. If it warrants some follow-up action, go ahead, but until then, don't let your thoughts slip into the gunk of fear and imagination.

Thoughts really only have as much power as we give them. No more, no less.

Become aware of your thoughts. Master your thoughts and you master your world.

Credits: Eugene Loh, 938LIVE, MediaCorp Radio Singapore (www.938LIVE.sg)

Posted at 1:18 AM

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Since 14 Dec 08