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I always make it a point to read A Slice of Life newsletters that arrive in my inbox (I subscribe to them online) even when I'm really busy. Ever since I was away in Hong Kong, they have been piling up in my inbox, but I don't want to simply archive them away, because most of the time when I read them, I take home something useful I can relate to and apply to some difficulty I am facing or have faced before. I came across something today in the 8 Jan 09 edition (yes it's been sitting in my inbox ever since I returned from HK). Below is a particular part of the edition that struck me:

Then look at where you are today. Are you getting from it all that you want? Or are you unhappy with the way things are? Even if you think your're miserable, you're getting something from it, otherwise you would have tried to get out of the situation. Many of us languish in self-pity because we're feeding our insecurities. Somewhere deep inside, we actually do like where we are because it means we don't have to take any action towards change. Change frightens us and so we make up the excuse that we're in a hopeless situation and continue doing nothing.

Credits: Eugene Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

I know I keep saying how I hate Law school because I'm struggling and everyone's so smart and the environment is so pressurising. And how I always say I wish I hadn't come to Law school and I really want to quit Law school. But deep down inside me I think I know that I want to see this through to the end. It's not just about the avoidance of change, though it must have some part to play in my subconscious mind. There's this part of me just doesn't want to give up so easily. Even if I'm a nobody, I want to fight the battle to the end for myself.

That said in theory, I'm still struggling very much with the growing number of readings we have to complete. And I would inevitably think of quitting Law school every now and then. I asked a senior if he had ever contemplated quitting Law school, to which he replied, "At least 10 times a day." Haha. Big sigh. Sigh sigh sigh.

I often ask myself: Where do I go from here? Indeed, sometimes, it can be a difficult and troubling question to answer...

What a friend once told me has a lot of truth in it. Anything can change. And a lot can change over time. And... Something can change drastically over time as well. Our thoughts are constantly reforming and over time, paradigms shift, mindsets change. And oftentimes, we may find it difficult to believe in change until it comes knocking at our doorsteps. Which is not difficult to understand, because when we get stuck in our thought paradigms, our minds are reluctant to entertain the possibility of things being in a different way. It can be so hard to believe something other than reality that is here and now.

I made an urticaria log with records of all the stuff I eat just before each outbreak. =/ Hopefully over the next few years I will be able to identify my exact allergy. Of course, there are two downsides to doing this. First, my log rests on the assumption that my allergy is that to food and not one to external factors like dirt. Second, it requires me to have more outbreaks. Sadistically put, the more outbreaks the merrier. :(

Cycling yesterday. And yummy cookies. Sigh CNY is coming. I should stop eating so much fattening food.

I still miss Hong Kong. How? :(((

Posted at 12:22 PM

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Since 14 Dec 08